No, gentle readers, this post is not about my sex life (that post would take a minute to write and wouldn't be very interesting). I was idly flipping channels the other night as I was trying to go to sleep and came across an episode of Real Sex on HBO. I had to watch (I dare you to not watch it).
The biggest issue I have with Real Sex is that the title is in NO way misleading. But it kind of is. When I was younger, and my parents paid for the HBO and Showtime, I would catch this and think, "Omg, SEX," only to be disappointed that it was real people having sex. Not the plastic, tanned, waxed, no pubic-hair having porn-stars I wanted to see. No, real people. With flabby bodies, body hair and normal sized boobs that were sometimes a bit saggy (ok, most of the time). So, I have to applaud the show for showing that. But that's why I will almost always flip over to Cinemax and watch the Soft-Core Porn where the men are hot, but completely flaccid. Because really, I don't want to see real people have sex. That's a little too voyeuristic for me. I mean, I'm glad they're so comfortable with their sexuality that they can have sex on camera, but I don't want to see that. I want to see fake people having fake sex...because then it's not really voyeurism. Or something. I never said I was super-smart and could wax philosophical about sex and porn (I prefer waning philosophical).
And an amusing related anecdote. Several years ago, my best gal pal and I were at Starbucks, waiting in line to buy a ridiculously over-priced burned espresso drink to fuel our pretentiousness. Anyway, while waiting we heard a familiar instrumental piece playing on the pa system there. It was super familiar. And then, by some miracle, we both recognized it at the same time and said Out Loud and LOUDLY at that, "Oh, REAL SEX." Which got us quite a few strange looks from the rich white lady who's at like, every Starbucks. You know, the one whose order takes longer to say than it does to make. The one who's always with her poor husband who you know just wants a beer but he's stuck sipping on a soy chai latte with about 30 other customizations. Yeah, her. We were amused by our memory of Real Sex, while she was worried that we would, I don't know, force them into an orgy or something (Which, no. Her husband was cute, but I ain't down with the womens).
Some people like true crime shows because of all the delightful fact finding and craziness. Some people like makeover shows because they like the feeling it gives them seeing people finally become happy about their own appearance. And some people like the news because they are horrible masochists who enjoy watching stuff about all the murders, death, corruption and the occasional fluff piece about a rescued dog. Me? I love soap operas.
My love for soap operas kind of started out weirdly. I didn't like daytime soaps. My mom lived for As The World Turns and Guiding Light. I preferred Beverly Hills 90210 and then jumped ship to Melrose Place. I was probably the only kid in my school who watched MP religiously and probably the only one who was watching when Dr. Kimberly Shaw took off her wig after returning from the dead. Which was disappointing in that I didn't have anyone to talk about it with. Because they were all watching, hell, I don't even know. Full House, probably.
But then, I started watching Guiding Light with my mother and sister every summer and I got hooked on the Santos family. Specifically Carmen. She was everything I wanted to be. Powerful, feared, bitchy and AWESOME. And ok, she was actually really evil and tried to kill her son's wife more than once, but still, AWESOME. Once she left the show, so did I. After that I stuck with whatever turgid drama I could get my hands on that wasn't daytime.
Then my best gal pal Lucy got me to start watching Days of our Lives right around the time that Marlena was revealed to be the Salem Stalker. It took me a good week to actually understand any of what was going on, but once I did, I was hooked. I started reading the internet soap fansites, searching for info on who was going to die next. And that's I think the number one thing that I love about soaps: the format of soaps is so fluid anything can happen. Literally, anyone can die, anyone can come back from the dead (for whatever stupid reason), anyone can take over the world with a weather machine, or hell, even 2 witches can cross magic beams and create an earthquake that causes a tsunami in New England.
So here's my list of reasons why I love soap operas:
- Anything can happen. - Like I said above, plots can meander and sometimes be truly shocking.
- No matter what the crime, you can still be redeemed - It's true. Look at One Life to Live: Todd basically raped women for ages and he's now kind of a hero on the show. Or take Marlena on Days: She sort of killed 9 people and people in Salem still love her. That's not something that can happen in everyday life.
- Plots move slowly - Miss an episode of Lost and well, you're kind of lost as to what's going on in the next episode. Soaps conveniently remind you constantly of what happened in the last episode, sometimes recycling the exact same scene again. And then flashing back to it five minutes later (this is especially true of James Reilly's days on Days).
- Plots that don't work? Re-written. Characters that don't work? Recast or written off. This doesn't happen in primetime because of the massive lead time needed to produce the bigger shows. When a storyline ain't working on Grey's Anatomy, it could be 8-10 weeks before the viewers sees the episode where they change it. Soaps don't have that problem. They can re-write on the fly, recast seamlessly and still have the storyline work. Sometimes (hey, I'm not blind...sometimes it just don't work).
- Self-contained storylines. Don't like what's going on with one storyline, fast forward. Primetime focuses on the ensemble, mostly, so all the characters tend to interact. Not so with Daytime.
Ah, my woefully neglected little blog. I think perhaps part of the reason I am so forgetful about posting here is that none of my friends are on VOX in real life, nor do they perhaps even know that I am on VOX. My main reason for creating this blog was originally to replace the LJ that I was considering abandoning in light of my life meltdown that I went through awhile ago. I wasn't considering deleting the LJ, but I wanted to distance myself from those people that were at the time not friendly towards me. So, I started this VOX thing and it worked, but it's more graphically-difficult for me to use adequately. So I stuck with LJ. And then I decided to make this a more personal journal than anything, since none of my real-life friends read this. But that failed because introspection isn't something I like to write down. Plus, my life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. And I'd like to keep most of that from the internet.
Then I thought I'd use this as an alternative to the MySpace blog because I only ever to login to MySpace when I get a comment or a message. But that didn't work either, since I forever forgot to update it. And now I have this blog and I don't want to NOT use it, so I'm going to make it about soap operas and TV shows, since that's the only thing I don't have a blog for (actually that's a lie, I used to live-recap Days of our Lives and Passions when I was unemployed and it actually worked really well...except that nobody read them and then I got a job...).
So, I thought I'd start with an entry on why I love soap operas. First, I must point out that I realize that soaps are NOT for everyone. Some people can't get behind the plot contrivances, the deaths that aren't actual deaths and the sometimes confusing storylines that get dropped or convoluted so badly that you can't even grasp it. However, soaps are the ultimate in fantasy television. It's about family, usually, and the thing is, on soaps, no matter how badly a family member screws up or does HORRIBLE things, the family stays together and they love each other (this only applies to the good families. The villain families, not so much).
Also, the people on soaps live out one of my fantasies: never having to work. Oh, occasionally we see them at some corporate office (almost always as CEO or VP), but most of the time, they are busy running around town, yelling at people or telling them some secret. They also live in fabulously decorated penthouses and apartments and houses without any source of income. I mean, Sami Brady on Days has lived in her 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment on the 3rd floor of a nice high-rise building in Downtown Salem for years. And she only worked somewhere for like 2 years. And even then, she didn't work so much as walk around plotting and scheming. How does she afford that apartment? And same goes for Marlena. She's a psychiatrist, but hasn't had any patients since 2003. Yet, she lives in a 2-story penthouse in Downtown Salem. Now, for reference, let's assume Salem is the size of Dallas (a distinct possibility). A downtown Dallas penthouse rents for about $3400 a month. Now, that's a lot of money for someone with no patients and as many ailments and reasons to stay away from work as Marlena has. But, I guess one could wank it to say that her husband John Black, owner of Basic Black fashion house, pays the bills. Except he's been dead, alive, brainwashed and addicted to painkillers for the last few years. Also, Basic Black seemingly hasn't had a new line out since 2003 when Bo and Hope were attacked at the fashion show, kickstarting the "Salem Stalker" storyline.
Anyway, that wasn't so much about why I love soaps, so that'll have to be the next entry.
